Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Rut of Normalcy

It's been a while since, I've truly felt inspired to write. I love these moments...brace yourselves it's going to be a long one. I'll be breaking all the blogging rules.

I've woken up the past several days just really missing the World Race lifestyle, family, culture ect. I've been particularly complaining when it comes to worship. Just blabbing about it not being the same, not being free enough. I've fallen into the rut of normalcy. I do what is expected of me, whats in my role and I help out others where I can. My days are planned out and I'm not initiating anything outside of those parameters. Everything is fine, but something is missing. I haven't been looking to be lead by the Spirit.

On the WR some days we had nothing to do so we would pray and either wait or go out in faith depending on how we felt lead. I haven't really been practicing that even on the days I have nothing planned. I also haven't been practicing one of the crucial parts of my race, worship. I love worship. I would worship on my own all the time, as a team we would come together and during debrief as a squad we would worship. It was part of life, sometimes it would be impromptu sessions where music is playing and people join in to sing praises to our King. The feel of freedom as we cry out Abba Father is unlike anything else. It was an incredible setting of people kneeling, sitting, standing, moving, dancing, writing while we sing, pray and just sat in silence before our Lord. We had this reckless abandonment to be in the presence of God.

The Awakening
Dublin, Ireland


Bangala Rd - Red Light District
 Phuket, Thailand

Worship is what you make it. That's what resonated within me today. Worship doesn't look the way I want it to here because I haven't been willing to step out and make it such. I stand in church and want to jump and move around, but I don't want to stand out. To be different is so uncomfortable even when it's for God, so I settle for pushing up on my toes and falling back down the two inches and doing it over again when everything inside of me is wanting to jump up and down as hard as I can. Fear of man consumes me.

I have this dream of a generation recklessly worshiping God. That when you come together for church it doesn't matter that you have never met the person beside just that you both love Jesus. I want to see that here with everyone, but I know its a process that will start with a few.

I've been close to nagging at one of our worship leaders to set up an informal worship night that will be an intimate and free setting of worshiping God corporately. It hasn't happened fast enough for me or with the same level of enthusiasm as I want it to. Then it hit me. I have this vision, this dream, but it wont happen unless I step up and start creating it. I can't make others do it for me. Wow. That goes for everything. I need to start moving, being active, taking the initiative. So, I kind of have a plan to make this vision a reality. On the days I don't have something set to do I will ATL (ask the Lord). I want to be actively listening to what God has in store that day. For worship, I will start by inviting a few people over to sing/pray/whatever together and to drink coffee or tea after. I don't know where this will go but I'm open and hopeful. I will also learn to play the guitar. Hold me accountable to this as I have a ton of insecurities about playing an instrument. I've realized that  I will need to buy a guitar if I really want this to happen (I originally planned on borrowing one, but I don't think that's enough). 

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