...continuation of 2012 - The fall
I laid in bed and realized that not only do I want to be 'alive in Christ,' I'm choosing to live it. I don't want to live my life thinking back 'about the one time I did this awesome mission trip' or 'this one time I lived in Northern Ireland.' Iwant need to be moving forward, even if it's small. I cannot be satisfied with complacency or reverting back to who I was.
I must admit I was feeling a bit low. I was finally seeing how inadequate I really was. I came to the understanding that I have a long way to go. Honestly, I was so hyped up on becoming this person that I could already feel the high expectations piling up.
A few days later, I had my mid year staff review. A bit intimidating with Derek (minister), Raymond (office manager), Kathryn (assistant minister), and Ashleigh (youth and student worker) and just little me. We went through the standard questions and then they asked me how I was. I told them much better than where I was. I shared how this amazing convicting video of this ridiculous guy boldly sharing his love of Jesus to a bunch of kids. I told them how much I wanted those qualities (passion, fire, joy, love, truth ect.). Raymond who had been quiet just looked at me. He said maybe this year, I would learn to see myself how I truly was. That what I described in the young man was what they say when they looked at me.
Whaa....whaa...what?!?!? I'm this charismatic, bold, truth speaker?? But for the past several weeks, I've been soo off track. Willfully disobedient. How can I be this person, when I haven't even tried to be 'good?'
God is ridiculous. As I tried to blink away the tears, I just knew, I was God's. I am His. I have been branded for Him. His grace and love is all over me, lives inside of me. I'm alive in Christ because He is alive in me. He will never be "done" with me. His word will never return empty and believe me He has spoken some pretty bold words over me :)
Side Note:
Do you know what charismatic means...I looked it up because I had to use that word. According to wiki "The term charisma (pl. charismata, adj. charismatic; from the Greek χάρισμα, meaning "favor given" or "gift of grace." Sweet isn't.
I laid in bed and realized that not only do I want to be 'alive in Christ,' I'm choosing to live it. I don't want to live my life thinking back 'about the one time I did this awesome mission trip' or 'this one time I lived in Northern Ireland.' I
I must admit I was feeling a bit low. I was finally seeing how inadequate I really was. I came to the understanding that I have a long way to go. Honestly, I was so hyped up on becoming this person that I could already feel the high expectations piling up.
A few days later, I had my mid year staff review. A bit intimidating with Derek (minister), Raymond (office manager), Kathryn (assistant minister), and Ashleigh (youth and student worker) and just little me. We went through the standard questions and then they asked me how I was. I told them much better than where I was. I shared how this amazing convicting video of this ridiculous guy boldly sharing his love of Jesus to a bunch of kids. I told them how much I wanted those qualities (passion, fire, joy, love, truth ect.). Raymond who had been quiet just looked at me. He said maybe this year, I would learn to see myself how I truly was. That what I described in the young man was what they say when they looked at me.
Whaa....whaa...what?!?!? I'm this charismatic, bold, truth speaker?? But for the past several weeks, I've been soo off track. Willfully disobedient. How can I be this person, when I haven't even tried to be 'good?'
God is ridiculous. As I tried to blink away the tears, I just knew, I was God's. I am His. I have been branded for Him. His grace and love is all over me, lives inside of me. I'm alive in Christ because He is alive in me. He will never be "done" with me. His word will never return empty and believe me He has spoken some pretty bold words over me :)
Side Note:
Do you know what charismatic means...I looked it up because I had to use that word. According to wiki "The term charisma (pl. charismata, adj. charismatic; from the Greek χάρισμα, meaning "favor given" or "gift of grace." Sweet isn't.
